A Very Vampire Christmas
by Team Jane
Summary: Eric is stumped by modern Christmas customs, but gains his own Christmas spirit from an unlikely source. A Sookie Secret Santa story written for Thyra10.


**This was my Secret Santa written for the wonderful Thyra10. The Secret Santa fics were hosted by the lovely Jan of Arc and Blakes Boogie. If you would like to find more of them to read search for Sookie's Secret Santa. Thank you and I hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own SVM or have any connections to HVH even though I secretly stalk him. **

**Title: A Very Vampire Christmas**

**To: Thyra10**

**Summary: Eric is stumped by modern Christmas customs, but gains his own Christmas spirit from and unlikely source.**

**Beta: Sassyvampmama**

Eric did not understand all of the modern Christmas festivities and wondered what garishly decorated pine trees, gaudy flashing strings of lights, and a rotund red-suited Santa Claus had to do with the iconic idea that the Christian's held about it being the date of birth of Jesus Christ. Even though he didn't particularly understand the holiday based in Christianity and surrounded by pagan symbols, he did fully appreciate the value of kissing under the mistletoe.

So that was why he found himself at his bonded's house on Christmas Eve. He had promised Sookie that he would spend a quiet night with her and she could spend Christmas Day with her friends and family. Eric wasn't much of a socialite among humans and didn't care much for vampire fanfare either. Apparently the rest of Sookie's friends and family had not gotten the memo that this was _his _time to spend with her.

Instead of his Sookie greeting him at the door with a 'Merry Christmas' and a kiss under the mistletoe, he entered when she yelled loudly from the living room, "Come in."

He looked up at the fake poisonous plant and shook his head, still not fully understanding the symbolism, but wanting to partake in its tradition nonetheless. Slowly he trudged into the living room to see what had captured her attention so thoroughly that she could not spare even a minute to greet him. Twirling a piece of mistletoe between his fingers, he sat down next to Sookie, determined not to miss out on the modern significance of the plant.

As Eric fixed his gaze on the object of Sookie's affection, the television, she explained, "A gift from Naill," as if that explained her distraction. Naill had already interrupted the evening, giving Sookie an early Christmas present by zapping her a new large flat screen HD television straight from Faery so she would have full access to Supernatural TV, a network consisting of over 300 channels that was carefully guarded by the Supe community. She was having great fun flipping through the channels and laughing at all the Supe Reality Shows, but it was _Supernatural Idol _that caught her attention.

A contestant named Thyra, who _looked _human, was singing Katy Perry's _E.T._, and was wearing an outlandishly garbed outfit that appeared as if Lady Gaga had designed it. The dress was made with hoops, or what looked to be various sized hula-hoops glued together to form a fitted layer around the girl's body, and when she moved the dress spun and danced with her, oscillating in a circular motion. She also had hoops weaving in and out of her knotted hair to give her a futuristic flare.

_Wanna be a victim, ready for abduction_

_Boy, you're an alien, your touch so foreign_

_It's supernatural, extraterrestrial_

_You're so supersonic_

_Wanna feel your powers, stun me with your lasers_

_Your kiss is cosmic, every move is magic_

At the end of her performance she breathed fire at the audience which was a big indication that she was something other than human.

Now it was the judges turn to evaluate her performance and the crowd hushed as the wisest man of all stood up to speak, _Hans Von Hozel_; even Sookie sat on the edge of her seat in eager anticipation.

_Suddenly Hans Von Hozel!_

"Thyra gets the 10, 10, 10! I likely the making of the fiery breathes. The music and the singing makes so goodly."

The audience ohh'ed and ahh'ed over his 'wisely' speech, and from that day forth Thyra was no longer known merely as Thrya, but was given the name Thyra10- coined by the wisest word Guru that ever lived.

"What the bloody hell did he just say? This isn't the freakin' Olympics; he can't give someone a 10," Simon Cowell said about Von Hozel to anyone that was willing to listen as the audience practically booed him out of his judge's seat.

Sookie turned to Eric and said, "This explains a lot; is he like a rogue Werewolf or something?"

"I do not know Sookie, but he certainly comes off as a scorned demon," Eric replied as he watched Cowell taken on Von Hozel, the 'goodly' word Guru.

Truthfully Eric didn't care for either of the judges and was looking for any way to distract Sookie from her television program. Spinning the mistletoe in between his fingers, Eric let the plant soar through the air and as gravity took hold, it landed on Sookie's head.

"What the…," she stated as she plucked it from her hair, "Eric did you throw this at me?"

Eric looked at her with wide faux-innocent eyes and asked with his hand held over his heart, "Who me?" He ducked his head under Sookie's hands, and said, "I do believe that I am under mistletoe."

"Aw, does the big bad Sherriff feel neglected?" Sookie asked in a slightly patronizing tone. Eric shook his head in the affirmative as his kissable lips formed into an almost pout, something Sookie absolutely could not resist.

She leaned down, giving him her full attention and met his lips with hers. It started out sweet, with just a gentle brush, as if they simply wanted to savor the taste of each other, but as the heat between them blossomed, the tantalizing erotic dance of their tongues sped up. They swept each other into the moment as their slowly building waltz formed into a magnificently enchanted tango. Positions shifted and limbs reacquainted themselves as their bodies moved fluidly together.

Sookie pulled back from Eric's sensual lips completely breathless and all she could express was a deeply contented sigh and the word, _'wow'_.

Eric, although he wasn't breathless, felt the power behind the kiss as it had left him speechless as well. He hadn't felt his heart beat in over a thousand years, but every time Sookie's lips made contact with his, he could swear that he could feel the muscle pumping within his chest. It was a surreal feeling that Sookie could bring his body back to life after it had been dead for well over a millennium.

But as always, instead of Eric trying to over analyze and ponder the depths of his affection, he asked a question. "I do not understand the tradition of kissing under the mistletoe, though I do enjoy the sentiment. Why would someone chose to embrace under a poisonous and parasitic plant? Are you hoping that this plant might aid us in our fertility?" He waggled his eyebrows at her suggestively. "If that is the case Sookie, I suggest that we try harder to help this plant along."

"Huh?" Sookie so eloquently answered as she was still wrapped up in the previous moment.

"Mistletoe is not a plant that grows on the ground, but is a parasite that grows on a host tree. The berries themselves are poisonous, but were used by the Druids for medical purposes to increase fertility. So if you are suggesting that we rely on this particular plant for that use, I suggest that we help it along. How will we know if the plant does indeed hold magical properties unless we have lots of sex?"

"Eric, sometimes I don't know whether to kiss you or slap you."

"Why do you not do both, Lover?" Eric asked her in a sultry tone as his lips slowly reached for Sookie's once more, his head lowering to hers as if he were pulled to her by a gravitational force. She melted into his embrace and just as their lips touched the room filled with soot and smoke.

"What the fuck?" Sookie shouted as she looked over towards her unlit fireplace. Ash particles and dirt were flying everywhere as large pieces of charcoaled soot were dropping down from the inside of the chimney.

They both got up off their seats to investigate. Eric, with his keen eyesight, bent down and tilted his head to see if he could see what was going on. "There seems to be a blockage. Maybe a really fat raccoon is stuck in your chimney."

"Here," Sookie said as she handed him a fireplace tool; it was a long cast iron rod with a pointy end. "See if you can gently dislodge anything. If it is an animal, I don't want to hurt it."

Eric took the poker stick and poked around the inside of the chimney.

"Ouch," a voice said.

"I do not think raccoons speak. Who would climb down a chimney on Christmas Eve?" Eric asked, grumbling that someone dared to interrupt his night of festive holiday sex with Sookie.

Sookie's eyes widened as she appeared far away, lost in her own thoughts. "_Santa_," she mumbled almost with reverence and she turned and ran to the front door. Eric followed her outside as she stood before her house gazing up at her chimney.

Santa indeed! All Sookie saw was a man with a red hat and a long beard trapped inside the chimney. "Don't worry Santa, we'll help you out!" Sookie called. If elves and fairies were real, why not Santa Claus as well? Wasn't he the original Jolly Old Elf? "Eric, can you fly us up to Santa?"

_Up on the rooftop click, click, click; down thru the chimney with Good Saint Nick!_

"Sookie if that is truly Santa Claus, why would he get stuck? Would not he have perfected the art of breaking and entering by now?"

"Oh, hush Eric. With all those cookies he gets left, maybe he just gained a few extra pounds. Now he needs our help; can you fly us up there or not?" She sassed back with her hands on her hips.

He gripped his arms around her waist and shot up into the sky with one leap, landing right next to the chimney which held the being who had intruded upon their quiet evening. Eric narrowed his eyes as Sookie gushed over 'poor Santa'; Eric would recognize that putrid stench and obscenely long sideburns that were reminiscent of the dying south anywhere. Bill. Fucking. Compton!

"Santa, are you alright? What happened?" Sookie inquired, clearly not recognizing the vampire underneath.

"Bill this is a new creepy stalker low even for you," Eric stated, looking completely disgusted at the vampire.

Sookie turned her head towards Eric, and then back to 'Santa', "Bill?" she asked.

"Sookie, I can explain, but please help me out of this hole. I'm stuck," Bill said as he grunted and groaned, trying to weasel his way out from his own self-inflicted predicament.

Sookie, having been blessed with a tender heart, grabbed Bill's arms and attempted to pull Bill out from his tight squeeze. "Eric, will you help me?" Sookie asked as she pulled and pulled, but to no avail. Eric in turn, flipped open his cell-phone and made a call, mumbling into the speaker so low that Sookie couldn't hear.

"Eric! Help please," Sookie gasped as she twisted and turned her body trying to free Bill.

"I am helping, Sookie," Eric said to her as he continued to speak into his phone.

"I give up Eric, what are you doing?"

"Alcide owes me a favor and I was seeking the use of his crane."

"Eric! We can't lift Bill out of my chimney with a crane," Sookie state exasperatedly.

"Oh right, it might damage the chimney," he said to Sookie. "Never mind Alcide," he spoke into the phone. He proceeded to dial the next number on his list while Sookie continued to tug on Bill. Quickly he spoke into the phone, but it wasn't until Sookie saw a bright flash go off that she paid him any mind.

"Eric, what the hell are you doing now?"

"Helping," he replied.

"How exactly are you helping, Eric?"

"I called Pam for an idea and she insisted that a picture of Bill dressed as Santa stuck in a chimney would be good for the public to see we are Christian believers as well. She is posting it to Fangtasia's website as we speak, and I am _helping _to make that happen."

"Eric, how exactly does that help Bill?"

"Pam will be here in a few minutes with something that she says is a necessity for Bill's removal."

"Oh thank God, at least someone is willing to help me get Bill free," she said wiping her brow. Even though it was a chilly December night all the energy she exerted was making her hot and sweaty.

"What I would like to know Bill, is what do you think you were doing on my Lover's property?" Eric asked sternly, his persona quickly changing from boyfriend to Sheriff mode as he flipped his phone shut.

"I was trying to display the spirit of Christmas?" Bill stated, but formed it more as a question.

"Wrong answer Bill; try again," Eric demanded.

Bill sighed deeply before he said, "I was trying to understand the legends of the Christmas spirit. When I was human there was no such thing as Santa Claus sliding down a chimney to bring children presents and cheer. I just wanted to see Sookie smile. I probably should have calculated the mathematical probability of me actually being able to fit down a chimney."

"Bill, that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard of," Eric stated with a chuckle as he thought about the idiocy of the explanation.

"Oh Bill, that's…kind of sweet, in a…creepy way. Why didn't you knock on the door?" Sookie asked as she seemingly bought into his crappy stalker version explanation.

Bill was saved from having to give Sookie his answer as Pam pulled into the driveway. She exited the car, heaving a large duffle bag over her shoulder.

"Hey Pam, Merry Christmas. What do you have there?" Sookie called from the rooftop.

"Hello my telepathic friend. I have the perfect remedy for Bill." Without further explanation Pam entered Sookie's house, duffle bag in hand.

"Pam!" Sookie shouted to get her attention. "Eric, what is Pam going to do?" Although she loved Pam, she didn't trust her as far as she could throw her.

Before Eric even got a chance to answer, a loud noise, that almost sounded like a gunshot, went off inside Sookie's house. Before they had any time to react, Bill went flying through the air, screaming as the sky lit up in a fireworks show. The colors were beautiful as they lit up the night and in the center of it all was Bill in a flaming red suit.

"Did it work?" Pam yelled up from Sookie's front lawn.

"Yes, it worked," Eric yelled back with a smile. Now he understood why humans enjoyed Christmas so much; nothing would ever replace the amusement he felt seeing Bill flying through the air as he was propelled from Sookie's chimney that night. It was better than any present he had ever received during the holiday season before.

Merry Christmas indeed!


End file.
